I Can Hardly “Weight” Part I

Several years ago, my sister Cindy had experienced unexplained pain throughout her body.  She finally sought medical attention for her unfortunate situation. Her doctor mentioned losing a few pounds and stretching to remedy her unusual, intense pain. 

She was 121 pounds at the time.  She said that her jaw dropped to the floor when he made that remark, just like yours probably just did.  Her issue was definitely not weight-related!  She would seek a second opinion and later be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

She told me that my doctor may tell me the same, so I was prepared.  I was definitely NOT 121 pounds.  If I were, my husband would tell me to eat a cheeseburger, which I would most gladly do!  

Doctor Visit #1

I chose my annual checkup with my OBGYN to finally share my burdensome illness.  It was exhausting keeping it bottled up inside.

I knew he would ultimately refer me to someone else, but he was the doctor I felt most comfortable.  This was just where I chose to start my hopeful quest for a speedy diagnosis.

The pain exhibited throughout my body was strong and relentless.  I was no match for an extended encounter with, what I considered, a living, breathing force.  I needed reinforcements!

I quietly sat in the waiting room.  

I normally would’ve struck up a conversation with whomever was feeling chatty waiting for my name to be called.  On this day I didn’t speak to anyone.  I smiled, nodded my head, and muttered a “hello” to a few women in order to recognize their presence, but I was in no mood for small talk.

The nurse called me back for the preliminaries…you know…the fun stuff!

My knees and elbows were throwing a temper tantrum so I audibly groaned when I stood up to follow her back. I placed a smile on my face anyway. When she asked how I was doing, I merely replied, “I’m ok.”

I would save my  pent-up frustration for my doctor…bless his heart!

I would carry on a lighthearted conversation with the nurse about our grandkids while she completed the preliminary items on her checklist.  My blood pressure, temperature, finger prick, and height was easy.

Then, there was the most favorite thing every woman enjoys…stepping on the beloved scale.  I could hardly “weight”!

I knew I had gained a few extra pounds over the previous month and a half. This was now haunting me, especially after what my sister said.  If my doctor told me I needed to lose a few pounds, he would be justly right in saying so.  I did know for a fact this was not the reason I was hurting so badly.

I asked the nurse if I could take off my high heel shoes before I stepped on the scale…which (by the way) is always wrong!  She smiled at me and said that I looked great and many people would love to be my size.  She was my new best friend!

Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought.  I was 145 pounds before my trip which was already 5 more than I like.

It was actually much worse!  That day, I was 153 pounds.

I thought to myself, “My stress level is super heavy.  How much does stress weigh?  Good try Marianna!  Get over it!”

What would the doctor think?

My road trip to Arizona was definitely not spent logging my calorie intake on my “Lose It” app. This was a daily habit I had before my wild ride across the United States of America!  I let that go for ten days.  Nothing I ate was low in calories!  It was fantastic!

EVEN WORSE…My exercise routine also suddenly halted. There was absolutely no way I could perform the level of exercise I was doing before I left.  At that moment, I could barely walk.  So much had instantly changed.

All I could muster up is to make it to work each day and wallow in my misery when I got home. My entire body was physically and mentally in some weird, twisted, alternate universe,


TO BE QUITE HONEST…I could’ve cared less about diet and exercise. I wasn’t looking for a specific number on the scale. I was merely looking for that speedy diagnosis and relief from the pain taking place inside of my body.  I could easily correct the other later.

After the nurse took care of all of those pesky little preliminaries, she escorted me to the room that has a cartoon “funny” on the ceiling.  I was in a daze, but I slowly focused my eyes on the cute “ice breaker” comic strip staring down at me as I lay there with a sheet draped over me.

I’m guessing this cartoon is strategically placed on the ceiling for women that feel anxious and uncomfortable. It’s six cartoon facial expressions that a doctor should never make during an examination.  After intently looking at all six faces, I burst out laughing!  I couldn’t stop!

This hearty, prolonged laugh released amazing endorphins throughout my body!  I believe endorphins are God’s natural pain killers and I certainly needed that!  

I was currently not taking anything for pain. I did not want to mask it.  I wanted a true picture of what my body was doing.  To me, the diagnosis was a priority.

I never understood how someone could “power nap” for short bursts, but my ridiculous “laugh out loud” moment numbed my pain just enough to allow me to sleep for what I think was fifteen minutes.  I wasn’t dozing…I was in a deep sleep!  Fifteen minute power naps would become a new trend for me. A normal sleep cycle at night was slowly becoming nonexistent.

While I was sleeping on the exam table, I could say I’M GOOD, I’M GOOD!  

I will post “I Can Hardly “Weight” Part II very soon.

“I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.”  Psalm 4:8


    • Haha. I debated whether to or not but went with complete transparency and sheer relevance. Oh the weight gets worse before it gets better. Lol. ☺️😅 Stay tuned!


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