I Can Hardly “Weight” Part II

“I Can Hardly “Weight” Part I” was posted on Friday, July 20.  Although Part II was written to stand alone, it would be in your best interest to read Part I first. Thank you for reading my blog!  


I heard the door handle turn so I suddenly opened my eyes.  I actually forgot where I was for a few seconds.  I was in a deep sleep waiting on the doctor.  I believe he interrupted some good REM sleep!

He entered, and said, “Good morning Marianna.”

I thought, “What’s so good about it?” Something nudged me inside and I suddenly remembered that God was giving me breath and that in itself, was very good!

I was holding back tears so I do not recall saying anything.  I’m sure he thought this was awkward because I normally talk his ear off.

He broke the silence with, “So, how’ve you been?”  I didn’t want to say I was fine, because I wasn’t.

This was when I burst into tears!  It was the first good cry I had since all of this started a month ago.  He held my hand until the nurse handed me two tissues.  I recall using one for each eye simultaneously because we all three had a good chuckle about it in the midst of my free flowing tears.

blur box clean contemporary

I told him I felt like I had bone cancer.  He stated we should talk in his office after my regular examination.

Would this be where he tells me to lose a few pounds and stretch like my sister said?  Would he be compassionate and give me some magical test to reveal what was wrong with me on that very day?

After I dressed, the nurse showed me into his office where he was sitting behind his desk.  After talking for quite some time, I muttered, “Maybe I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.”

Where in the world did that remark come from?  Just fifteen minutes ago in the exam room, I thought it was bone cancer.  Now I pop off RA?  I didn’t even know the official definition of Rheumatoid Athritis!

Wasn’t this what old people had to deal with?  I was only 48 at the time.  I wasn’t old, but I did feel like I had aged 50 years in one month.  I’ve heard of growing old gracefully, but this was ridiculous!

Shame on me for not knowing this at the time.  All I knew was my daughter Tiffany was diagnosed with severe RA at 27 years of age, and my niece was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA) at 18 months!  (More on Emily, now age 13, coming in a future blog post.)

I cannot explain why I didn’t put that whole “age” puzzle together.  There seemed to be a dense fog hanging out in my head.  I was living life in a blur.  (RA doesn’t discriminate at any age.)


He immediately ordered a complete blood panel to focus on this factor. He also told me to contact my family doctor, which was fantastic advice! What Dr. OB didn’t know was…he WAS my family doctor.

He called the nurse to walk me down the hall to have my blood drawn. He never said a word about my weight…bless his sweet heart.  He was probably scared to mention it after all that crying I did earlier.

Yay me!  I was excited to be having blood drawn to pinpoint a diagnosis!  I should know what’s wrong with me in the next few days.  This test would definitely tell the tale…right?

The issues of life…It’s all in the blood.  

I remember praying, “Lord, please don’t let it be bone cancer.  If I have a choice, I’d rather it be RA.”  Deep down, I knew this was something I’d have to deal with for quite some time, maybe even forever.

A couple days after the blood panel was completed, a nurse called me and said that I tested negative for RA.  Overall, my blood work looked normal. She advised to add a krill or fish oil supplement to my vitamin regimen.

Great!  Would this krill have some magical potion inside the capsule to rid me of my ridiculous pain?  I seriously doubted it, but I would order some anyway.  They’re the experts, not me!  If the test was negative, the test was negative!  She told me to take Advil or Aleve to help alleviate the pain.

Praise the Lord I don’t have RA but what was it?  Maybe it was bone cancer after all. The nurse was still talking via telephone so I intently hung on her every word…until these particular words exited her mouth…then she lost me!

“OH YES, before I forget,” she continued, “Maybe also consider losing three or four pounds and start your exercise program again.”

blue tape measuring on clear glass square weighing scale

Really?  You’re telling me this now?  I thought I had escaped the whole weight thing, but there she was, saying almost verbatim what my sister warned about.

Ok lady! I could barely move. It was a chore to stand from a seated position and walk a few steps across the room. It was awful even lifting my coffee mug each morning.  My hands were so weak and every bone screamed at me when I used them…for ANYTHING!  You’re asking me to exercise?  I don’t think so!  I wanted to scream!  I knew for a fact it wasn’t my diet and exercise…or lack there of.

I was angry because I felt like no one understood the seriousness of my issue at hand.  Oh yes, she was right!  I did need to lose the extra weight but right now, I was too busy losing my mind instead!

Then I thought, “This is my OBGYN.  He is not a bone specialist.” I quickly dealt him a “pass.”

It was at least a start!  I had a base line, complete blood panel.  From this work up, any doctor I made an appointment with could compare their blood work to this one, as my symptoms had barely gotten started.

Between this appointment and whichever one I chose next, I would have to figure out a way to make it to the next moment…not just the next day…the next MOMENT!  It was mind numbing.

God was going to have to carry me to my next battleground.  He’s never left me before. He’s wasn’t going to start today!

With Him, I can honestly say, “I’M GOOD, I’M GOOD!” He would indeed show mercy at all the right times in order for me to “carry on, and smile along the way.”

My quest for the right doctor commenced on this day, July 19, 2016.  I wasn’t finished fighting!  I desired having my normal life back.  I missed the happy me!

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”         Proverbs 4:23  KJV (always)


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