It was painful trying to lie still after moving around, but equally painful to move around after lying still. I was living my life in a paradox.
My body was screaming for help and my brain didn’t seem to be firing on all cylinders. Where was a flux capacitor when you needed one? I couldn’t seem to think myself more than five minutes into the future. For a planner, living moment to moment would be incredibly daunting.
I tried to remain close to reality but my alternate universe was quickly sucking me through the rabbit hole, tugging me away from my familiar life.
There was nothing anyone could do except simply let me be. I would have to fight this battle alone. Pain levels were basically in a holding pattern. On a scale of 1-10, during the day, it averaged in the 5-6 range. On the incredibly long nights, it averaged in the 7-9 range.
About one month prior to this, my pain level was nonexistent…a big fat zero, day in and day out. I had no clue what was going on inside my now, very fragile body. Delving into another world and emerging a totally different person was something science fiction was made of, but here I was living it in the flesh. It all happened suddenly.
Deep down in my bones (pun intended), I knew I would eventually need to consult doctor #2, but until then, I pretended to be in control of absolutely everything. Only a select few people knew that I was in control of absolutely nothing!
One day after work, I went to Walgreens and spent about a million dollars on elbow, wrist. knee, ankle, hand supports, compression gloves, and braces. I bought two of everything because the pain in my body mirrored.
For my neck and shoulders, I purchased an ample supply of cold/heat packs. They could either be frozen for coldness or placed in the microwave for warmth. I bought a gracious plenty so they could cycled in and out of the freezer. At night, they were needed at all times. (As it turned out, heat intensified my pain so cold would always be my choice!)
I also bought Salonpas pain patches, sprays, various rubs, and roll-ons. I didn’t care how any of them smelled. Okay, maybe I cared a little bit! The Salonpas pain patch remains a “must have” in my million dollar stock pile of self described body armor! I can’t say it pairs well with Chanel #5 or Tuscany, but I was okay with the new fragrance in my life.
I would spare no expense. Everything purchased was name brand. I purposefully looked for the most expensive items on the shelf. I didn’t want to get home with cheaper ones and they not work. At this point, I wasn’t willing to lose time, or money.
If you know my husband, you’ve probably heard him say more than once, “You get what you pay for…”
I know the lady at the checkout thought I was crazy. She didn’t ask any questions, and I definitely didn’t feel the need to explain it. She probably sensed I was in no mood for small talk. She gave me the astronomical total and I didn’t bat an eye. I really didn’t care.
I didn’t want to take a pill for pain. I wanted to be mindful of what was going on inside my body. Doctor #1 told me to take Advil or Aleve, but up to this point, I pushed my body to unimaginable limits without either of them.
When Gerry was home, he would be keep cold packs encamped around my body throughout the night. He helped prop and tuck pillows here and there to try and find me some level of comfort. He probably didn’t sleep much more than I did.
I sure did miss him when he was working 3rd shift. I would pace the living room floor for much of the night when he wasn’t home. Crawling into that big king sized bed in my condition was certainly not on my top ten list, even with the new step stool I had also just purchased to assist me in getting into bed.
Gerry was, and still is, a true testament to what a husband should be during tumultuous times. He is the epitome of the statement I’ve heard my oldest brother say many times. “Love is not a feeling, love is action.”
I finally surrendered.
It may be difficult for some to believe, but I started taking Advil as directed for two straight weeks. It didn’t help…not even a little bit!
For the following two weeks, I switched over to Aleve and took as directed and what do you know? That didn’t help either! It was exactly as I thought…a total waste of time, but at least now I knew for sure.
I finally made it to August 19, 2016. At this point, two of the longest months of my life had just passed. I had looked forward to a periodontist appointment previously scheduled for that particular day. I was having an extraction, a crown extension, and bone regeneration surgery underneath my gums. I’m sure you’re saying, “Huh?”
Most people would have probably cancelled this type of appointment under the same circumstances. Why in the world would I want to inflict more pain on myself? Maybe I WAS crazy!
In all honesty, it was in anticipation for the prescription for the “good stuff”. Yes, for all of you saying, “It’s about time!” I was thinking the same thing!
This was my chance to get the possibility to catch up on some of that very elusive necessity…SLEEP! My body was yearning for it! Hopefully, it would alleviate some pain too, but I seriously doubted it. This pain was so very different…well beyond what any pill could help, but who knows?
Surely with this, I could say, “I’M GOOD, I’M GOOD!” I would love to “carry on, and smile along the way.” I’ve paid big bucks for my big ‘ole smile over the years. The least my periodontist can do is help me get a few good night’s sleep right? This appointment came precisely at the right time, or so I thought.
“The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.” Romans 13:12 KJV (always)